I have changed haven’t I?
Sure I have. We all change.
But to what degree?
Eventual? Evolution? Mutation?
But changing into who? Some one else?
Or am I still myself but a different version? A parallel version?
I miss my old self.
The quiet lil girl. In my own lil unpolluted world. Where no one can harm me. Where I can do as I please. Explore what I what.
Wishful thinking or naive even, I know. So I stepped out, and I got polluted.
I let the pollution take me over.
Anger, sarcasm, jealousy, desperation, cynicism
There were other better things but pollution prevails.
What else can I fill my clean clean world with?
Love? Had that once but it went away.
Was it THE ONE?
I still wonder. I still wish it was actually. Against all odds.
Probably that's why I have my bouts of depression these days.
But I can’t help it. A part of me rather suffer then let go of certain memories. DE-NIAL
I thought I over came my phobia, turns out I embraced it now.
That which once brought me emotional pain I now embrace. Sadistic I know.
Why am I such a romantic? Why can’t I let go?
I’m not ready….
Smile, move on…’d-nye-al’