Who am I?

I have changed haven’t I?

Sure I have. We all change.

But to what degree?

Eventual? Evolution? Mutation?

But changing into who? Some one else?

Or am I still myself but a different version? A parallel version?

I miss my old self.

The quiet lil girl. In my own lil unpolluted world. Where no one can harm me. Where I can do as I please. Explore what I what.

Wishful thinking or naive even, I know. So I stepped out, and I got polluted.

I let the pollution take me over.

Anger, sarcasm, jealousy, desperation, cynicism

There were other better things but pollution prevails.

What else can I fill my clean clean world with?

Love? Had that once but it went away.

Was it THE ONE?

I still wonder. I still wish it was actually. Against all odds.

Probably that's why I have my bouts of depression these days.

PITIFUL!!!

But I can’t help it. A part of me rather suffer then let go of certain memories. DE-NIAL

I thought I over came my phobia, turns out I embraced it now.

That which once brought me emotional pain I now embrace. Sadistic I know.

Why am I such a romantic? Why can’t I let go?

I’m not ready….

Smile, move on…’d-nye-al’