I had a horrible nightmare last Sunday. No, it wasn’t about ghosts and vampires. In fact those who know me know very well that I enjoy those kind of nightmares. To me it would be like watching a movie, as sadistic as it might sound. No, far from that. I don’t really remember the details but I do remember a looming presence. It sucked all the joy out of me. All I felt was this growing void in me. The next thing I felt was this fear of loneliness. And this extreme weight on me. I could not stand it anymore and then I woke up.
I think it’s human nature to fear being lonely. We constantly seek out companionship to fulfill our void. Ever hear about those people who are desperate for a lover? Constantly rebounding from relationships after relationships. It’s the same thing. They are looking for someone that will make them feel complete. And once you have found it, to lose it would be devastating. I know 1st hand. For me I miss the intimacy. Not only (and not mainly) the physical intimacy but the emotional as well. The connection with another living being. Times when you know what the other person is thinking. Finishing each others sentences. Doing those little meaningless things that seem so significant then. Sometimes you can find it in a best friend but it’s different.
I know I miss that but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leach on the next thing with a xy chromosome! No, I’ll try to enjoy my single hood for awhile longer mind you. Just hanging out and chilling with my friends. Meeting new and interesting people. And a recent hobby of mine criticizing the world =P hehe…a hobby that comes with age I think.
Anyway that’s all for now.